Driving Advising

I recently took a trip up to the north, which is a considerable journey so I feel I have seen a great enough representation of our nation’s driving abilities to generalize a little. Some advice is in order.

Please indicate when you wish to change lanes. Please don’t change lanes abruptly/dangerously. Please don’t throw apple cores/cigarette ends out of your window. Please don’t pick your nose visibly. Please refrain from placing large, bare, hairy feet on the dashboard by the window. Please do not play drum and bass at full volume. Please remove all nodding-dogs, hats and boxes of tissues from your parcel shelf. Please do not park your car on a bend of a fast road. Please do not ride bicycles in the middle of the road/veer sporadically into the middle of the road. When you stop for a lunch break, please look around before you start reversing into your parking spot and please take care not to urinate on the seat in the service station (girls, seriously what is going on?). Please migrate into the middle lane when cars are joining the motorway at a junction. Please move out of the middle lane if you are not overtaking cars in the left-hand lane. Please do not overtake in the wrong lanes – if these things are happening, the motorway is being used incorrectly. Please try not to lose a bag/shoe/jumper out of your window – I have never seen this happen but am curious to know how these objects end up on the edge of the road. Please stop at all red lights (taxis and buses, you are no exception). Please go at green lights. If you are not in a vehicle, please do not run out into the middle of the road. And finally, I would recommend that you please review the Highway Code.